ATB - The Autumn Leaves

October 20th 2008

I sat there and listened to the song playing over and over again and as tears streamed down my face like the endless rain.
A part of me died.

I wished, you would have had the decency to spare me. To let me know when the feelings ended, if you were through with me.

But, like they say, time and time again. A woman does what a woman gotta do. A lioness will endure great trials for her cub.

I stayed and I put on a brave face and faced the world. Through a mist of tears, pain and misery I braved each day with a heart, heavy with sorrow and betrayal. Coz life just gotta go on.

It has been 2 years and 3 months now. I am still here. The same and yet, not the same. Never the same again.

Who knows what the future holds.

But let me just say one tiny thing. Just so I can get it off my chest.
During that year, my weight dropped , my 5 foot 8 frame weighed in at 8 .5 stones. Lost my butt and my non-existent boobs.
I survived on coffee and cigarettes.
Only coffee and cigarettes.....

So, now my body is retaliating because it is hoarding the food I have begun to eat again. My body is adjusting to the fact that I quit smoking a year ago, to try to repair the damage I did in that one miserable year.

So please la, don't look at my body and say Wah! You are so fat! Everyone has his or her reasons for something that happens. As I had mine.

Have a bit of subtlety, think before you speak. You may hurt someone's feelings tremendously or worse, cause someone to fall off a wagon.

Autumn Leaves - Poignant, Painful, Forlorn. The special song you shared with her.....
-the pain that lives in me forever-